Monday, September 8th, 2008
Counselors are consistently trained throughout their course work and then in their internships to empathize with the client. Indeed, it is essential for a counselor to develop this skill if he or she desires to connect with the client at a therapeutic level. But empathy is not limited just to those who are counselors. The truth is we all need to be able to empathize because all of us are going to be offended at one time or another. We will need to empathize in order to forgive the offender.
Most of us understand empathy as being able to emotionally connect or “feel with” another person. However, we need to be sure we don’t settle for too small a dose of empathy. A very slight amount of empathy may come up short when we are called upon to forgive a deep hurt. This begs the question, “Is empathy something you get all at once? Can empathy be divided?” In reality, empathy can be experienced at different levels or stages and those levels are contingent upon several factors. Sometimes when we understand how another person feels we declare “mission accomplished”. However empathy is something that can grow over time. Time, information, insight, and context can allow us to increase in empathy.
It seems to me that the depth of empathy may also have a cognitive, emotional, and behavioral component. We may experience empathy at the level of understanding, that is cognitively, but can we go on to feel with the other person, that is, to share the emotions? If we can indeed feel with an individual, rather than simply understand where he is coming from, we have achieved emotional empathy. Then if we can go deeply enough into empathy that we recall an experience that allows us to relate to the other person on a similar fashion we may actually experience compassion in empathy. This is empathy at a behavioral level which reminds us of a similar experience. We don’t have to experience an identical experience, just one that is similar in intensity. If we are trying to empathize with someone who has sinned, broken the law or misbehaved we do not, at this point, condone a misbehavior but we can feel compassion for the sinner because we too have sinned. Thoughts, emotions, behaviors are all called into play in the experience of empathy.
Empathy can also be affected by the degree to we which relate in time. Older adults can empathize with younger adults. As younger adults age they find themselves being able to empathize and thus forgive the older adult with whom they were totally unable to relate to at an earlier stage of life.
Sunday, July 27th, 2008
When you grow up without parents you tend to appreciate those who lovingly serve as substitute or surrogate parents. I was blessed to have several aunts and uncles who served in that role. Earlier this month, I said goodbye to an aunt with whom I was especially close as a child. She invested a lot of time in me as a kid and opened her beautiful Arkansas lake home to me for summer vacations. She was never able to have children so I think my being around met some needs on both of our parts. Because of those experiences together we remained close over the years even though we were separated by miles.
In reality, saying goodbye to her was a painful process that began several years ago when we were informed that she had developed memory problems later diagnosed as Alzheimer’s disease. Personally, I first noticed it in phone calls and at family reunions and funeral visitations when her memory began fading. Then finally I was called in to help find a residential placement for her and to relocate her close to me. Over a year ago we placed her in an Alzheimer’s unit staffed by loving people who assisted her around the clock. She passed away earlier this month while she was probably in what would be diagnosed as stage 5 of Reisbergs’ seven stage system. In the end it was cancer and not advanced Alzheimer’s that claimed her life but caring for her afforded my wife and I, as well as her brother and his wife, a personal experience with this disease. As a counselor I have assisted family members who have had loved ones with Alzheimer’s but up until this time my experience has been theoretical rather than experiential. Dealing with the gradual decline is indeed a painful experience. To say that it gives you a greater appreciation for those dealing with Alzheimer’s is an understatement. While I hope you never have to encounter this dread disease personally why not check out the symptoms, treatment and latest research at www.alz.org just in case.
Monday, July 9th, 2007
If you have a real love for learning how to walk in wisdom you might be called a philosopher. Our English word philosophy comes from two Greek words, philos and sophia, which mean love and wisdom. A philosopher then is one who is a lover of wisdom. Of course, to know a wise course of action and to choose a wise course of action is two different things and the latter is sometimes illusive to us all. Preferably, knowledge comes before wisdom. If we know we can act wisely. If we don’t know, it is the consequences of our ignorance which may help us to act wisely the next time. In our quest for wisdom and wisdom’s application in our lives it is necessary for us to be honest and personal. That’s the best way to get at truth because that makes it genuine and not artificial. So truth then is, according to Webster “the act, fact, or state of knowing: an acquaintance with the facts”.
The problem today is that science, in its naturalistic approach, says we cannot find truth in that which is supernatural. Methodological naturalism doesn’t necessarily say the supernatural doesn’t exist, but it does say it doesn’t matter. If it can’t be tested empirically and scientifically it doesn’t matter. God’s word says something different. God says that both He and His Word are eternally and absolutely true and that we should be directed by the relationship with Him that comes about by faith, for God says without faith it is impossible to please Him (Hebrews 11:6.) If we hope to avoid limited and incorrect philosophies, knowledge, wisdom and faith must be factors in our quest. Knowledge is not anything we say it is. For instance, about the time President Lincoln was born our universities were departing from the faith upon which they were established. Methodological naturalism was replacing the hegemonic construct of the Christian worldview from which America’s universities were born. By the time Lincoln was assassinated, Harvard, Yale, Princeton and Oxford had all forsaken their Christian foundations. The propositional revelation of God’s truth recorded in sentence form was abandoned. Only that which was observable through the scientific method was acceptable. Without God’s eternal truth knowledge is corrupted as is wisdom and philosophy. Ps 111:10 says; “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His instructions have good insight.” Knowing God’s will, therefore, is part of knowledge and is necessary for making proper ethical and moral choices. Once this departure was made the gates swung wide for humanistic and evolutionary teaching that are still rampant today. Human life was devalued and one’s existence is explained as devoid of any eternal purpose. Civility declines, society corrupts, and institutions like marriage and family are weakened when we say we cannot consider eternal concepts of right and wrong to guide us.
By the time Lincoln was assassinated some of those university professors probably thought He was a buffoon for he was a deeply religious man. If these judgments were being made in his day can we expect anything less in our day? As the proponents of evolution proliferate in education, politics and religion we who are in minority seem to increasingly stand out as weird. Appearing radical or weird is a fair price to pay for seeking truth. Yet to the godless philosophers, scientists and professors of our day God warns, “the fool has said in His heart there is no God” (Psalm 14:1; 53:1).
“If there were no God, there would be no atheists”. -G.K. Chesterton
Monday, May 21st, 2007
When I was a young man “fundamentalism” was a term that conservative believers claimed with pride. Oh sure, the term had it’s enemies in the form of liberals and modernists who really didn’t believe much of anything. But fundamentalists believed in the “fundamentals of the Christian faith”. Sad to say, over the years the term has fallen out of favor. It was besmirched by the liberal press and wavering Christians who were too timid to join the battle for the future of Christian influence in America. Then along came terrorism and the perpetrators were increasingly referred to as fundamentalists and that pretty well did it in.
I don’t believe it’s a term we should have surrendered so quickly. Fundamentalist Christians should have found their voice and distinguished themselves from liberals as well as terrorists. In the end they should have hung on to the name chiefly because fundamentalist defines some immutable truths. The origin of the term finds it’s meaning in what fundamental Christians believed in:
· The inerrancy of Scripture
· The virgin birth of Christ
· The substitutionary atonement of Christ
· The bodily resurrection of Christ
· The imminent return of Jesus Christ
Sometimes we let go of good words too easily in our modern world. Do you remember when “gay” was a term used to describe one’s happiness? We should not have given that one up either.
I think I will still claim the word fundamentalist, not only as part of my vocabulary, but also as part of my identity. I am not a liberal, a terrorist or a homosexual but I am fundamentalist and I am gay!
“God never caled anyone to be a quitter. The word “retreat” should not be in the Christian’s vocabulary. The only way is upward and onward for the Lord.” -Jerry Falwell