Enemies Of Change
As a counselor I have varied conclusions about the now decades long emphasis on codependency. The term was born in the 1970’s to help understand the alcoholic family system but has grown in scope over the years to include a variety of issues. In one sense, I think it is overblown, culturally created, and empirically limited. Yet there are, in my opinion, parts of the concept that have validity. In it’s most severe form codependency is an enemy of change. Codependency often works within the lives of the addicted and their families in such a fashion as to keep them doing what they have always done. Change loses out. One cannot deny that some addictions are fueled by the fires of enablement as what seems to being loving, caring behavior is simply the refusal to face destructive habits and behaviors. Codependent loved ones feel like a ‘God-send’ to the person who is using his addiction to maintain pain relief. Instead of change, new addictions may get added along the way as the addiction itself causes intensified pain. Codependent loved ones resist confrontation or intervention and the wheel of addiction spins on for decades or in some cases a lifetime. It seems probable that most counselors have seen this common scenario within their first year of practice. We do well to remember that all confrontation is not uncaring or unloving. Sometimes saying “no” is the most loving thing we can do and may actually lead to change. “There are two freedoms: the false where a man is free to do what he likes; and the true where a man is free to do as he ought.” –Charles Kingsley