FEELINGS
It’s common for marriage relationships to become distant and cold because one partner indicates they don’t feel love for the other partner anymore. They may also say they feel numb or don’t feeling anything at all. It is also common for partners to reach a point in their lives where they become bored with the status quo of the relationship and ask: ‘is this all there is’? These are dangerous junctures in our relationships. During times like these many individuals will decide to do something, they decide to take action. Often that action may lead them in the wrong direction if they are directed by their feelings. The submission of the will to the feelings ultimately enhances the danger of divorce or an affair.
God’s word indicates the will should be in bondage to His will, not what we think, feel or do. Specifically, His will is made known to us in the Scripture, therefore, our will must submit obediently to the Word of God. Several options may appeal but only one is reliable.
The will being obedient to the mind is not the appropriate course of action.
The will being obedient to the feelings is not the appropriate course of action.
The will being obedient to our impulses is not the appropriate course of action.
Rather it is will being obedient to the Word of God that renders the appropriate course of action.
Notice Romans 6:6-18 “Do you not know that if you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of that one you obey — either of sin leading to death or of obedience leading to righteousness? 17 But thank God that, although you used to be slaves of sin, you obeyed from the heart that pattern of teaching you were entrusted to, 18 and having been liberated from sin, you became enslaved to righteousness.”
This passage talks about obedience and the will. Actually, it might be translated “presenting ourselves to someone as slaves for obedience.” Here no one is forcing us into obedience, it is a matter of will and a conscious choice. Many today base their choices upon feelings or circumstances. We live in a day when society values most choices equally. It is hard to find a right or wrong in many circles. Relativism abounds and its proponents proclaim we need to learn to be comfortable with each other’s differences. Therefore, it is argued, we must not impose our value system upon someone else. The thinking is that just because it is right for someone else doesn’t mean it’s right for me. “I must follow my thoughts and feelings” people say today. Of course, even from a secular critique this theory carried to its extreme would wreak havoc and chaos on society and that society would eventually disintegrate. But more importantly we must ask does surrendering our will to our feelings withstand the scrutiny of God’s Word? Absolutely not! We do not have the right to do whatever we will or want. If God gives a command or takes a position in regard to human existence our will should be in bondage to obedience to that perfect Word of God. If God gives a command:
1. It does not matter how I FEEL about it.
2. It does not matter what I THINK about it.
What does matter is that I act upon God’s command and do it. In order to do what God says my mind must become a surrendered slave or bondservant to the concept of obeying God’s commands. A little bumper sticker years ago said, “God said it, I believe it, and that settles it”. That is not accurate. God said it and that settles it whether I believe it or not. So many times when God says to do something we set around and think-do I believe this? We ask ourselves, what will happen to my life if I do this? But regardless of what we think, our will should be in bondage to what God thinks. The scriptures admonish, “Let God be true and every man a liar”. (Rom. 3:4) So God’s position is correct no matter what we think or how we feel. Romans 12:2 tells us not to be conformed to this world but to have our minds transformed. It might be true that our mind is not changed in a moment of time, but our mind will change if we make it available to God by reading and submitting to His Word on a consistent basis. This is a process initiated by a punctilliar decision to do something about our lives. That is, by our will we decide to present our minds to God to know and prove in our behavior His perfect will. There really is validity in the old say, “I just made up my mind to do it and I did it”! It starts with a decision, a decision to start obeying God’s word for the rest of your life. Notice Phil 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Paul points out that action is driven by thinking. We first think right and then we begin to put into practice the things we things we are thinking about. Hence, if God says He hates divorce and instructs husbands and wives to live together until death separates them the first step is to think that way. The second step is to act that way, and the third step is to know that at some point in time you will begin to feel that way. Your feelings will likely reverse, correct and come back or improve depending on your specific situation. If you consistently walk in the will of God and are obedient to His word your feeling will return. Feelings come out of action. Action must be consistent, long term and habituated. You will then be able to say, “I have DONE what I THINK God wanted me to do and now I FEEL good about it”. Remember being willing to change isn’t worth anything unless the decision is following by actions that result in compliance to God’s word.
One final word relating to the sinful environment we live in. If you will to think right, act right, and feel right you are still not guaranteed the perfect marriage relationship. For these steps won’t necessarily change your partner or the sinful world we live in. However, you are guaranteed the process will bring you personal victory. You will be an overcomer!